Readers, I have run out of my initial group of guys to mock, so I can't do a quadruple target :(
I will restock (I think there's an unlimited number of these guys), on my info and be on my way to giving a berating of diabolical intent. (for those who don't entirely get that: I need to restock before I can continue to give a slightly cruel but true commentary on the dumb asses who show up trying to get at my lady friend)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
He's got a beat
This guy, I don't particularly have a major issue with, but he's still an ex, so I'm still gunnin'.
This guy, is a guy I've nick named "Floppy" or "First Mate of one of the many U.S.S. Waverings"
He's a pretty serious smoker (and not of cigarettes), a dancer, kinda hung, very stylish (and possibly gay/bi. hard to be sure these days), and has a bit of a running mouth (called her "the only one" but still cheated on her).
Now, I'm not that annoyed with being tina friendly, but there's a limit to how much I can stand someone smoking, he passed that up early on. Dancer, good for him, lets him do some funny things with his hips. Stylish, that's fine, but possibly a little too stylish that starts to boarder what the stereotype of Fabulous guys are, I have no issue with gay guys (so long as you stay away from my ass), just don't date hot chicks to try and convince yourself you aren't (if you are). And I don't know if I'm just being old fashioned, but if you say a girl's the "Only one", you had better fucking mean that and back it up. Cheat, and that becomes you being a vaguely poetic dumbass who can't have their word trusted for much anymore.
Anyways, the nicknames come from that he's still fit, but smokes enough he might not be able to "soldier on" (hypothetically), and the "First Mate" bit is from him being a bit of a manwhore, and wavering on his feelings and such a lot, but not enough to merit him a full captain's title.
This guy, is a guy I've nick named "Floppy" or "First Mate of one of the many U.S.S. Waverings"
He's a pretty serious smoker (and not of cigarettes), a dancer, kinda hung, very stylish (and possibly gay/bi. hard to be sure these days), and has a bit of a running mouth (called her "the only one" but still cheated on her).
Now, I'm not that annoyed with being tina friendly, but there's a limit to how much I can stand someone smoking, he passed that up early on. Dancer, good for him, lets him do some funny things with his hips. Stylish, that's fine, but possibly a little too stylish that starts to boarder what the stereotype of Fabulous guys are, I have no issue with gay guys (so long as you stay away from my ass), just don't date hot chicks to try and convince yourself you aren't (if you are). And I don't know if I'm just being old fashioned, but if you say a girl's the "Only one", you had better fucking mean that and back it up. Cheat, and that becomes you being a vaguely poetic dumbass who can't have their word trusted for much anymore.
Anyways, the nicknames come from that he's still fit, but smokes enough he might not be able to "soldier on" (hypothetically), and the "First Mate" bit is from him being a bit of a manwhore, and wavering on his feelings and such a lot, but not enough to merit him a full captain's title.
one serious dumbass
This guy I can't even qualify as a "champ", this guy is A-grade dumbass. How he still get's chicks is probably just the packaging.
I have duly nicknamed him "Admiral of the Fleet of Manwhore, of the Nation of Fuck Up".
This guy got her into an open relationship, which is fine-ish. They screwed, that's fine. Was he actually single at the time, nope. It's that last one that makes me ticked. Turns out he had a girlfriend, and lied about her in order to get into my friend's pants. That does not sit well with me, go ahead and fuck her and all, but do it on your own honorable merit and ability, not lying like a bastard about someone who's supposed to be important to you. This guy is pretty fucked up in the head, but gets around on his looks + such so "it's all good". Guys like this degrade the word "man" itself. And unfortunately, there's a lot of them.
I have duly nicknamed him "Admiral of the Fleet of Manwhore, of the Nation of Fuck Up".
This guy got her into an open relationship, which is fine-ish. They screwed, that's fine. Was he actually single at the time, nope. It's that last one that makes me ticked. Turns out he had a girlfriend, and lied about her in order to get into my friend's pants. That does not sit well with me, go ahead and fuck her and all, but do it on your own honorable merit and ability, not lying like a bastard about someone who's supposed to be important to you. This guy is pretty fucked up in the head, but gets around on his looks + such so "it's all good". Guys like this degrade the word "man" itself. And unfortunately, there's a lot of them.
kinda like Benjamin Button
The first champ for my discerning eye and hammerhead wit is the one I like to call
"Super-Stoner"
or
"The Sloth"
either of which are from "De-evolution Squad"
Mainly because I've met this guy a few times, and he always seems to have weed, be smoking (or about to), and not doing much or moving very quickly... sometimes not at all.
In all the times I've met him, he rarely ever seems to be moving all that quickly, if at all. He's usually parked in a chair, couch, or bed. His net movements is as if there's a cripple guy who lost everything below the waist is sitting on top of a manikin's legs. Seeing him move quickly is literally almost as rare as a solar eclipse.
He used to be fit and all, but after high school, he's degenerated into an increasingly large mass, where he stops, I really don't know. The main reason he's on this list is that he went to the same high school as my lady friend, was nice to her then, they flirted and all, and he's hung. Once they did date, he ended up cheating, and last I heard spends more time high than coherent.
"Super-Stoner"
or
"The Sloth"
either of which are from "De-evolution Squad"
Mainly because I've met this guy a few times, and he always seems to have weed, be smoking (or about to), and not doing much or moving very quickly... sometimes not at all.
In all the times I've met him, he rarely ever seems to be moving all that quickly, if at all. He's usually parked in a chair, couch, or bed. His net movements is as if there's a cripple guy who lost everything below the waist is sitting on top of a manikin's legs. Seeing him move quickly is literally almost as rare as a solar eclipse.
He used to be fit and all, but after high school, he's degenerated into an increasingly large mass, where he stops, I really don't know. The main reason he's on this list is that he went to the same high school as my lady friend, was nice to her then, they flirted and all, and he's hung. Once they did date, he ended up cheating, and last I heard spends more time high than coherent.
The return of that crazy guy you somehow keep reading
I HAVE RETURNED dear readers, and since I've been gone for so long, I'm going to attempt a quadruple update. The parade of "champions" now continues ^^
Friday, June 10, 2011
My continued appoligies
I must say this is rather embarrassing, but I haven't had much of a chance to do my duties as a writer/blogger these days, and I must admit my failings.
A few days before my last final, I realized I had a fever (trust me when I say, it takes a lot and a while for me to sometimes realize that), a sore throat, and a rather nasty headache.
The headache's a very minor and now rare occurrence of the symptoms, but I have gone to the doctor and been diagnosed with Strep Throat. While I have no idea where I contracted it, I still have it. The medication has helped with some of the pain, it has yet to start fully purging my system of it.
All the while, the fever persists, though at a considerably weakened power (went from 102ish to 99ish)
I do not trust myself to attempt to blog about the dastards and fools that had their chance with my friend, in the case I just start cussing them out without any real reasoning or basis. It is honestly hard to do so with a calm mind not to do so, with fever and pain compounding the difficulty of rationality, I can't bring myself to do this in all fairness. Though there is apparently no exemplary ability in this current collective of guys. I will not be harsh for no reason, they still deserve to have what meager redeeming qualities I can find either brought up, or reviewed, there's just been no major evidence of there being anything I can categorize as a redeeming quality yet.
A few days before my last final, I realized I had a fever (trust me when I say, it takes a lot and a while for me to sometimes realize that), a sore throat, and a rather nasty headache.
The headache's a very minor and now rare occurrence of the symptoms, but I have gone to the doctor and been diagnosed with Strep Throat. While I have no idea where I contracted it, I still have it. The medication has helped with some of the pain, it has yet to start fully purging my system of it.
All the while, the fever persists, though at a considerably weakened power (went from 102ish to 99ish)
I do not trust myself to attempt to blog about the dastards and fools that had their chance with my friend, in the case I just start cussing them out without any real reasoning or basis. It is honestly hard to do so with a calm mind not to do so, with fever and pain compounding the difficulty of rationality, I can't bring myself to do this in all fairness. Though there is apparently no exemplary ability in this current collective of guys. I will not be harsh for no reason, they still deserve to have what meager redeeming qualities I can find either brought up, or reviewed, there's just been no major evidence of there being anything I can categorize as a redeeming quality yet.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
My appoligies
Sorry (to the few who read this)
I must admit studying for finals is taking a bit more time than I thought, I'll start getting my bearings down once finals are over (monday), so until then, please sit tight. :(
I must admit studying for finals is taking a bit more time than I thought, I'll start getting my bearings down once finals are over (monday), so until then, please sit tight. :(
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
and now for the history lessons
Alright, now that we've got the basic guys who are "possibles" and "ex"s pretty much out of the way. I'll go through a few of her ex's and how they're fuck ups. It's almost depressing to do this to be honest (once I finish laughing that there are guys who thought this was at least vaguely okay and got more serious...ish)
This is the story of one of those fuck ups
I affectionately refer to him as
"Captain Backdoor or the U.S.S. Wavering"
This guy had a few issues in the first place, being kinda rich, a virgin, and a liiiiiittle delusional (just a lot).
While being rich isn't necessarily a bad thing, he wasn't the best at realizing other people's situations all the time thanks to it, like my friend's who does around 2 to 3 people's work. It's almost scary sometimes.
A virgin is something valued by some, cursed by others. Mainly because of the catch 22, I want experience, but need experience to get experience (in most cases I've seen). While they didn't screw, he believed that there was a "Physical connection" while there wasn't (or else she'd have ridden his ass already)
Which brings in the delusional part. He believed there were things there that didn't. Making his own assumptions about things, which usually end up fucking relationships up.
Anyways, he also dressed -gay accent- Fabulously -end-, even more than my friend (rather hard to do) and I think might have been gay or bi (hard to tell these days).
Also, in the span of 8 months, it took 3 break ups for things to end (all by him).
He was a model or actor (i don't know now), and he broke up 2 times before for "work" and she was dragging him down. Besides wanting to cold clock the bitch for that, He seriously needs some help. Everyone probably does these days, we live in a fucked up world, and these guys are god damn proof.
This is the story of one of those fuck ups
I affectionately refer to him as
"Captain Backdoor or the U.S.S. Wavering"
This guy had a few issues in the first place, being kinda rich, a virgin, and a liiiiiittle delusional (just a lot).
While being rich isn't necessarily a bad thing, he wasn't the best at realizing other people's situations all the time thanks to it, like my friend's who does around 2 to 3 people's work. It's almost scary sometimes.
A virgin is something valued by some, cursed by others. Mainly because of the catch 22, I want experience, but need experience to get experience (in most cases I've seen). While they didn't screw, he believed that there was a "Physical connection" while there wasn't (or else she'd have ridden his ass already)
Which brings in the delusional part. He believed there were things there that didn't. Making his own assumptions about things, which usually end up fucking relationships up.
Anyways, he also dressed -gay accent- Fabulously -end-, even more than my friend (rather hard to do) and I think might have been gay or bi (hard to tell these days).
Also, in the span of 8 months, it took 3 break ups for things to end (all by him).
He was a model or actor (i don't know now), and he broke up 2 times before for "work" and she was dragging him down. Besides wanting to cold clock the bitch for that, He seriously needs some help. Everyone probably does these days, we live in a fucked up world, and these guys are god damn proof.
Now for a vauge anomally
This post covers one of the few guys I can think of that is a very rare breed. A breed of men who (while still a douche-bucket) is both an "ex" and a "prospect". Up until now, all the men I've covered have been either notably just one or the other, an ex or a prospect. Now, we have the mutant running around.
I'll keep this one short-ish by comparison, since I'm both a combination of tired, and wanting to sock this guy in the cock, with a katana, multiple times.
He is... the "Flesh Dildo"
His pretty much only redeeming quality, is the small club hidden down his pants.
if that is too fucking long of a description for you, suck my d*** and read a thesaurus. (if you even know what the f*** that means)
Sorry if I seem a little ticked around now, I just feel a little specially pissed at this guy. He's a special breed of man whore, that requires it's own boat, with rubber dildo oars to row with.
Allow me to explain why: When he broke up with my dear friend, he brought up something as a major reason, for the break up. That she wasn't old enough for him. So, they broke up, and that's all cool and all. A short time later, he's dating again. A girl even younger than my friend.
That's just being a bitch. I'd consider chemical castration so you could have every hot girl in the world grinding on you, and still not be able to get a hard on. Seriously. I'm losing hope for a fucking lot of humanity with these guys.
Sorry for the small rant readers, I can't say I'm fond of guys who are hypocritical man whores like that.
I'll keep this one short-ish by comparison, since I'm both a combination of tired, and wanting to sock this guy in the cock, with a katana, multiple times.
He is... the "Flesh Dildo"
His pretty much only redeeming quality, is the small club hidden down his pants.
if that is too fucking long of a description for you, suck my d*** and read a thesaurus. (if you even know what the f*** that means)
Sorry if I seem a little ticked around now, I just feel a little specially pissed at this guy. He's a special breed of man whore, that requires it's own boat, with rubber dildo oars to row with.
Allow me to explain why: When he broke up with my dear friend, he brought up something as a major reason, for the break up. That she wasn't old enough for him. So, they broke up, and that's all cool and all. A short time later, he's dating again. A girl even younger than my friend.
That's just being a bitch. I'd consider chemical castration so you could have every hot girl in the world grinding on you, and still not be able to get a hard on. Seriously. I'm losing hope for a fucking lot of humanity with these guys.
Sorry for the small rant readers, I can't say I'm fond of guys who are hypocritical man whores like that.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Another part of the Fleet
And now for the second post of the night, a post that I mainly wanted to couple with The Brazilian, simply because I have too much time on my hands.
I'll start this out with his name first, and then go into the faqs, besides that he's a prospect.
Captain Busybitch of the U.S.S. Manwhore
Captain, because He's commanding, a bouncer, a coach for an all-girl high school team, and a workaholic. He's not someone who'll crash through the front door, but he'll definitely make sure you know he's there.
He's already kissed her infront of his team, and will probably continue to have his team think he's dating/seeing her, while in reality it's probably more of either his one sided feelings for her or her body (the latter, more likely).
Busybitch, cause he's a bitch, and constantly busy. He has some emotional baggage that no one will probably want to mix with because of the third factor. He may be buff and all, but that only goes so far, his personality is mixable with my friend as well, but (in my own opinion) is a very bad idea to try and mix with. While he may be a nice guy and all, he still has baggage + his own intentions for her (they've already fucked).
finally, He is the captain of one of the (apparently many) U.S.S. Manwhores in the world. Muscles and being an alright(ish) guy can only go so far when you've got more baggage than a hollywood princess checking into a ritzy hotel, no time to really recover due to always working, or manage luggage, or have a real relationship past a physical one at the farthest with some shallow pings of emotional depth.
I'll start this out with his name first, and then go into the faqs, besides that he's a prospect.
Captain Busybitch of the U.S.S. Manwhore
Captain, because He's commanding, a bouncer, a coach for an all-girl high school team, and a workaholic. He's not someone who'll crash through the front door, but he'll definitely make sure you know he's there.
He's already kissed her infront of his team, and will probably continue to have his team think he's dating/seeing her, while in reality it's probably more of either his one sided feelings for her or her body (the latter, more likely).
Busybitch, cause he's a bitch, and constantly busy. He has some emotional baggage that no one will probably want to mix with because of the third factor. He may be buff and all, but that only goes so far, his personality is mixable with my friend as well, but (in my own opinion) is a very bad idea to try and mix with. While he may be a nice guy and all, he still has baggage + his own intentions for her (they've already fucked).
finally, He is the captain of one of the (apparently many) U.S.S. Manwhores in the world. Muscles and being an alright(ish) guy can only go so far when you've got more baggage than a hollywood princess checking into a ritzy hotel, no time to really recover due to always working, or manage luggage, or have a real relationship past a physical one at the farthest with some shallow pings of emotional depth.
The next in line (1)
Greetings all (extraordinarily few) readers who continue to read this blog out of some strange urge to find my comedic, satirical, sarcasm, and whatever other interests you have found in this blog.
Tonight, I bring to you the first of probably only a rare few,
A combination of a prospect (but predominantly a fuckbuddy), for my dear lady friend,
while not uncommon, this one post, will be done
IN 2 PARTS
That's right viewers, this post is like my powers of... whatever powers I do have (they are rather difficult to articulate) cannot be contained in a single trapping.
It also helps that this week promises to be an... enjoyable week to say the least.
I say this because I bring to you, -enters spanish accent- The Brazilian -end accent-
Thus far, not much is know of him, because he first entered my lady friend's life around 3 years ago, and pretty much disappeared off the face of the planet since then. Yes there's been the occasional text, but these days, there's a overall lack of a need for her to have a boyfriend (thanks to Captain Bipolar and The Genesis) so his main importance as of right now is based upon what he's packing between his legs. Since it's been 3 years, it's unclear how well he's hung, but "big" is a common factor in all of it.
I also say that this week will be interesting, since my friend will be having a 3 day excursion with him (possibly returning at night to sleep... unlikely though) just to royally ride that pants python like the Rapture was coming this Saturday (and we actually believed any of that shit). We also know he has an economic means, to supply the hotel, any recreational equipment (condoms and various other tools of the 'recreational' trade), and is (or at least is acclaimed to be) another mini-hulk.
But since we already have a mini-hulk, I'm just sticking to calling this guy "The Brazilian".
I'll have a post the day of, or after, (or whenever the hell I get the fuck around to it) she returns from her quest of cock.
AAAAAAnd since I can't help myself that much, I made up various "quotes" that I would just find fucking hilarious if he actually used them. He hasn't actually, but I still find it funny as hell
(this is all done in) -Enter, Spanish accent-
"I am 'The Brazilian'... Please beware, my mighty cannon cannot contain it's self sometimes... I hope you don't mind the trash bags, they work as condoms for me, since normal condoms cannot contain the fiery blasts that expunge from my weapon of manly powers "
"I will warn you now... My cock... Is very large... You may need to practice before we make with the sex... with a ruler. "
"Please excuse my pet python... It has not come out of it's den once I forgot to only wear long pants around it... It's scared my 'python' might eat it "
"I hope you enjoy the taste of my cockhead... It will be in the back of your mouth... while I fuck your pussy "
"I must apologize... I have fallen for you... and now my cock is too large for me to stand up again in these tight... tight pants... can you please suck it... so that I may stand up on only two legs this time "
"I'm glad you are impressed my size... now you will feel the eruption... that so many Brazilian women in my home country... have come to hunt for. "
Tonight, I bring to you the first of probably only a rare few,
A combination of a prospect (but predominantly a fuckbuddy), for my dear lady friend,
while not uncommon, this one post, will be done
IN 2 PARTS
That's right viewers, this post is like my powers of... whatever powers I do have (they are rather difficult to articulate) cannot be contained in a single trapping.
It also helps that this week promises to be an... enjoyable week to say the least.
I say this because I bring to you, -enters spanish accent- The Brazilian -end accent-
Thus far, not much is know of him, because he first entered my lady friend's life around 3 years ago, and pretty much disappeared off the face of the planet since then. Yes there's been the occasional text, but these days, there's a overall lack of a need for her to have a boyfriend (thanks to Captain Bipolar and The Genesis) so his main importance as of right now is based upon what he's packing between his legs. Since it's been 3 years, it's unclear how well he's hung, but "big" is a common factor in all of it.
I also say that this week will be interesting, since my friend will be having a 3 day excursion with him (possibly returning at night to sleep... unlikely though) just to royally ride that pants python like the Rapture was coming this Saturday (and we actually believed any of that shit). We also know he has an economic means, to supply the hotel, any recreational equipment (condoms and various other tools of the 'recreational' trade), and is (or at least is acclaimed to be) another mini-hulk.
But since we already have a mini-hulk, I'm just sticking to calling this guy "The Brazilian".
I'll have a post the day of, or after, (or whenever the hell I get the fuck around to it) she returns from her quest of cock.
AAAAAAnd since I can't help myself that much, I made up various "quotes" that I would just find fucking hilarious if he actually used them. He hasn't actually, but I still find it funny as hell
(this is all done in) -Enter, Spanish accent-
"I am 'The Brazilian'... Please beware, my mighty cannon cannot contain it's self sometimes... I hope you don't mind the trash bags, they work as condoms for me, since normal condoms cannot contain the fiery blasts that expunge from my weapon of manly powers "
"I will warn you now... My cock... Is very large... You may need to practice before we make with the sex... with a ruler. "
"Please excuse my pet python... It has not come out of it's den once I forgot to only wear long pants around it... It's scared my 'python' might eat it "
"I hope you enjoy the taste of my cockhead... It will be in the back of your mouth... while I fuck your pussy "
"I must apologize... I have fallen for you... and now my cock is too large for me to stand up again in these tight... tight pants... can you please suck it... so that I may stand up on only two legs this time "
"I'm glad you are impressed my size... now you will feel the eruption... that so many Brazilian women in my home country... have come to hunt for. "
Friday, May 20, 2011
And now for something only a little different
Since that leaves the beginnings and ends of the history, as they are now, up to date (to a degree), I shall now go on to one of the "Prospects"
One of the few guys who's on this list (for the time being) and is a go.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm sorry readers, I can't fucking finish that sentence.
There's a reason I have a few nicknames for this guy:
1. Capitan Bearhands of the U.S.S. Manwhore
2. Deep Throat
3. Mini-hulk
4. Captain Retardo from the Dimension "Derp"
But I digress, and will explain of all these nicknames.
You see, Capitan Bearhands, while spelled incorrectly, helps give it the sarcasticly cultured punch to point out that this guy's only major redeeming feature right now is his sarcastic wit and aggressive behavior.
Capitan from him being the captain of the ship the U.S.S. Manwhore (a submarine, and there's a reason I picked the most phallic of the nautical vehicles, also because his vocabulary is large enough that he might not realize what I just wrote, in the off event that he actually reads this and can actually do some sort of self inflection that notices the issues he has with himself that are being outlined.... probably not)
And "Bearhands" because this guy apparently has the strength control of the hulk when he's aroused. aka: practically none. He's grabbed her around the chest and swung her around like a ragdoll, leaving her ribs sore for at least a day, has forcefully made out with her hard enough to turn her lips purple, and has left some slow healing bite marks on her arms that look pretty rough.
While aggression is always nice to have, instead of being some passive bitch of a man, this is nearing abuse and I honestly worry a bit for her about what might happen if she jumps on his cock. He'll probably grow fangs and claws and leave her look like she was fucked by dogs (with small dicks) by the end.
Also, The manwhore part. He's a manwhore, straight and simple. A large, muscular, whore of a man, with some whore on the side.
Anyways, Deep Throat
Although he's a sarcastic and vaguely witty guy, he also has the voice of Darth Vader, without the voice changer and breathing apparatus after dropping an octave lower.
Kinda like this guy on youtube (except naturally, not how this guy's faking it)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ_FjxDSBi8&feature=related
It's reaaally easy to mock, so I admittedly do, but have yet to master the deep voice, and since Deep voice isn't as fun of a nickname, I'm calling him "Deep Throat" as a nick name
Mini-hulk.
He's strong, as he's carelessly demonstrated multiple times before, but that's because he's a dipshit with control issues. So long as he doesn't cross a line, I don't get angry at him. And when I get angry, may god or whatever divine forces govern this existence have mercy on your soul, cause I will leave you hoping they take you from your mortal coil.
Captain Retardo from the Dimension "Derp"
Is he retarded, no
Do I have anything against retarded people, no
Will I make fun of him anyways, yes.
Anyways, while he's in college, going to classes, is a manwhore, has some sass in him, and all that fun overly aggressive and possibly steroid induced stuff above, he also seems to have a rather low vocab for a college student and doesn't use rather long words unless he has to.
That bad, no
Will I poke fun at it anyways: Jesus Vampire Hunter in hell fucks my answer to a YES
One of the few guys who's on this list (for the time being) and is a go.... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I'm sorry readers, I can't fucking finish that sentence.
There's a reason I have a few nicknames for this guy:
1. Capitan Bearhands of the U.S.S. Manwhore
2. Deep Throat
3. Mini-hulk
4. Captain Retardo from the Dimension "Derp"
But I digress, and will explain of all these nicknames.
You see, Capitan Bearhands, while spelled incorrectly, helps give it the sarcasticly cultured punch to point out that this guy's only major redeeming feature right now is his sarcastic wit and aggressive behavior.
Capitan from him being the captain of the ship the U.S.S. Manwhore (a submarine, and there's a reason I picked the most phallic of the nautical vehicles, also because his vocabulary is large enough that he might not realize what I just wrote, in the off event that he actually reads this and can actually do some sort of self inflection that notices the issues he has with himself that are being outlined.... probably not)
And "Bearhands" because this guy apparently has the strength control of the hulk when he's aroused. aka: practically none. He's grabbed her around the chest and swung her around like a ragdoll, leaving her ribs sore for at least a day, has forcefully made out with her hard enough to turn her lips purple, and has left some slow healing bite marks on her arms that look pretty rough.
While aggression is always nice to have, instead of being some passive bitch of a man, this is nearing abuse and I honestly worry a bit for her about what might happen if she jumps on his cock. He'll probably grow fangs and claws and leave her look like she was fucked by dogs (with small dicks) by the end.
Also, The manwhore part. He's a manwhore, straight and simple. A large, muscular, whore of a man, with some whore on the side.
Anyways, Deep Throat
Although he's a sarcastic and vaguely witty guy, he also has the voice of Darth Vader, without the voice changer and breathing apparatus after dropping an octave lower.
Kinda like this guy on youtube (except naturally, not how this guy's faking it)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZ_FjxDSBi8&feature=related
It's reaaally easy to mock, so I admittedly do, but have yet to master the deep voice, and since Deep voice isn't as fun of a nickname, I'm calling him "Deep Throat" as a nick name
Mini-hulk.
He's strong, as he's carelessly demonstrated multiple times before, but that's because he's a dipshit with control issues. So long as he doesn't cross a line, I don't get angry at him. And when I get angry, may god or whatever divine forces govern this existence have mercy on your soul, cause I will leave you hoping they take you from your mortal coil.
Captain Retardo from the Dimension "Derp"
Is he retarded, no
Do I have anything against retarded people, no
Will I make fun of him anyways, yes.
Anyways, while he's in college, going to classes, is a manwhore, has some sass in him, and all that fun overly aggressive and possibly steroid induced stuff above, he also seems to have a rather low vocab for a college student and doesn't use rather long words unless he has to.
That bad, no
Will I poke fun at it anyways: Jesus Vampire Hunter in hell fucks my answer to a YES
The First of the Fools
Alright, since I just did the most recent of the fuck ups (exs), I figure I should go down memory lane to the hazy streets of yesterday and drum up the info of the first guy who started most of this. The first fuck up and boyfriend.
And since I'm not allowed to use names, I have this little name for him, which you'll find to be different than the rest, but it's mainly used for profiling purposes:
The Genesis.
This guy was her first boyfriend, and they had a relationship for 2 years solid, and then were off and on for a year after that before he left, choosing family over her... even though he had been living with her. He left and came back later, not trying to get back into a relationship, just her pants, because he apparently can't get enough, and hasn't figured it's a BAD idea to try and screw your ex who you were with for most of 3 years. Not much prospect is found from him because of his history and general dumbfuckery.
(in case you haven't noticed, I will make new words to describe these guys + situation, but that's because the normal English words for expressing how fucked up this is, generally don't quite get the full point across)
And since I'm not allowed to use names, I have this little name for him, which you'll find to be different than the rest, but it's mainly used for profiling purposes:
The Genesis.
This guy was her first boyfriend, and they had a relationship for 2 years solid, and then were off and on for a year after that before he left, choosing family over her... even though he had been living with her. He left and came back later, not trying to get back into a relationship, just her pants, because he apparently can't get enough, and hasn't figured it's a BAD idea to try and screw your ex who you were with for most of 3 years. Not much prospect is found from him because of his history and general dumbfuckery.
(in case you haven't noticed, I will make new words to describe these guys + situation, but that's because the normal English words for expressing how fucked up this is, generally don't quite get the full point across)
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Begining
I'll start this off by covering the guys who are the most recent. And this one mainly is her ex.
Since I can't use his name, I'll simply call him
Captain Bipolar,
and since a captain needs a ship,
of the S.S. Wavering
Now, Captain Bipolar, isn't that bad of a guy. Nice, kind, relatively straight forward, good looking, self sufficient, ect. All that fun stuff.
But, has a very large weakness. He has a mangina.
He's a little too sensitive, and goes through cycles like a period, ranging from the 'kind romantic' to the 'raging asshat'. From saying "I Love You" to "You're a cold, distant, and lying bitch" in the span of a few days to weeks.
He also has issues with putting a little too much emotional attachment in too soon, talking about deep issues about himself and having a few issues with everything.
Also seems to be a little bit "in the Closet" and might have locked himself in. (he can ignore 2 hot chicks, one of which his girlfriend, making out on a beach, in favor of the moon.)
Since I can't use his name, I'll simply call him
Captain Bipolar,
and since a captain needs a ship,
of the S.S. Wavering
Now, Captain Bipolar, isn't that bad of a guy. Nice, kind, relatively straight forward, good looking, self sufficient, ect. All that fun stuff.
But, has a very large weakness. He has a mangina.
He's a little too sensitive, and goes through cycles like a period, ranging from the 'kind romantic' to the 'raging asshat'. From saying "I Love You" to "You're a cold, distant, and lying bitch" in the span of a few days to weeks.
He also has issues with putting a little too much emotional attachment in too soon, talking about deep issues about himself and having a few issues with everything.
Also seems to be a little bit "in the Closet" and might have locked himself in. (he can ignore 2 hot chicks, one of which his girlfriend, making out on a beach, in favor of the moon.)
Accent part -2-
Nearly forgot, till the lady of the topic reminded me, of
The -Stoner Surfer accent- (or just the -stoner accent- for short)
This is used simply to make fun of stoners, pretend I'm high, and such.
Kinda sounds like a lot of things, but mainly like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf5rIuJPTt0
The -Stoner Surfer accent- (or just the -stoner accent- for short)
This is used simply to make fun of stoners, pretend I'm high, and such.
Kinda sounds like a lot of things, but mainly like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uf5rIuJPTt0
the Accents
Additional note, I will be using various -accents- throughout this, mainly to help get across what I'm trying to say.
Here's some of the basic accents and references of what they kinda sound like
1. The -San Francisco Gay accent- (or the -SFG accent- or -gay accent- for short)
This is done completely for satire. It's offensive, degrading, and generally done just for kicks.
kinda sounds like a deeper version of this with more lisp, the "Sassy Gay Friend" videos on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnvgq8STMGM
2. The -Snooty British accent- (or the -SB accent- or -british accent- for short)
This is done simply for the sake of sounding rich, arrogant, stupid, and racist. All at the same time. Especially if I decide to talk like an old time plantation owner. Kinda sounds like Snape from the "A Very Potter Musical" (or "A Very Potter Sequel")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NANaYemJdg&feature=BFa&list=SPC76BE906C9D83A3A&index=3
(If you can't tell who Snape is in a Harry Potter parody, then pick up the first Harry Potter book, read it, then watch this, you illiterate descendant of a sniveling runt of a Hitler clone)
3. The -Sexy Sexy Spanish accent- (or the -Antonio Banderas/Alejandro accent-, or -Spanish accent- for short)
This is done simply for the sake of talking like an overly sex-ified version of a spanish accent. Done entirely to mock and or joke around (like any and all accents I do). Sounds pretty much like this (with less background music and effects):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbYtqAWDF2U
If there's any more accents I'm forgetting or haven't gotten to a notable level, I'll mention them later.
ANYWAYS, on to the fun part.
Here's some of the basic accents and references of what they kinda sound like
1. The -San Francisco Gay accent- (or the -SFG accent- or -gay accent- for short)
This is done completely for satire. It's offensive, degrading, and generally done just for kicks.
kinda sounds like a deeper version of this with more lisp, the "Sassy Gay Friend" videos on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnvgq8STMGM
2. The -Snooty British accent- (or the -SB accent- or -british accent- for short)
This is done simply for the sake of sounding rich, arrogant, stupid, and racist. All at the same time. Especially if I decide to talk like an old time plantation owner. Kinda sounds like Snape from the "A Very Potter Musical" (or "A Very Potter Sequel")
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NANaYemJdg&feature=BFa&list=SPC76BE906C9D83A3A&index=3
(If you can't tell who Snape is in a Harry Potter parody, then pick up the first Harry Potter book, read it, then watch this, you illiterate descendant of a sniveling runt of a Hitler clone)
3. The -Sexy Sexy Spanish accent- (or the -Antonio Banderas/Alejandro accent-, or -Spanish accent- for short)
This is done simply for the sake of talking like an overly sex-ified version of a spanish accent. Done entirely to mock and or joke around (like any and all accents I do). Sounds pretty much like this (with less background music and effects):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DbYtqAWDF2U
If there's any more accents I'm forgetting or haven't gotten to a notable level, I'll mention them later.
ANYWAYS, on to the fun part.
The Intro
Welp, This is Chaotic Knight 22 (since I'm avoiding using my real name for the time being, and I'm here to let off a little steam, and have some general fun about the life of a woman who's very dear to my heart (not saying her name either, nice try though).
Basic info:
Me:
Tall (6'3),
around 225 (ish, hard to tell on my scale, but dieting + working out + martial arts),
martial artist (already mentioned, around 5ish years total),
eclectic (don't know, then stfu and look it up),
nice (i'd like to think so),
sarcastic (makes things funnier, when done well),
generally intelligent (probably better if I picked myself up and fully applied myself),
gamer (kinda)
and a bunch of other things I'm not gonna bother to finish with.
Her:
mid height
around 160ish (she's dieting + such as well, aiming for around 150, at which point I'm allowed to call her anorexic and pull her ass out of that hole)
fun
flirty
ghetto booty equiped (it will grab your attention and shake it like a Polaroid picture)
smart
hard working (seriously does around 2, maybe 3 people's work)
sarcastic (I learned from the best)
and other stuff I'm not going into for the sake of not giving anyone an unfair advantage.
WHICH brings us to the point of this blog, to create a commentary on her life, once we get to the end of this.
But for now, I get the fun job of notating some of the guys she's with, has been with (I am not included in this list), and possibly will be with.
There are:
ex's (guys who screwed up, in a way big enough to rival chuck norris' beard... clippings)
prospects (guys who haven't yet screwed up, and have a chance, after screening + blah)
other (guys who don't fit into either of the above areas.)
Since I'm doing this with no one's permission (Save my own), I will not be using anyone's actual names, but I will be creating nick names, analogies, and other such names for them, so don't worry.
Basic info:
Me:
Tall (6'3),
around 225 (ish, hard to tell on my scale, but dieting + working out + martial arts),
martial artist (already mentioned, around 5ish years total),
eclectic (don't know, then stfu and look it up),
nice (i'd like to think so),
sarcastic (makes things funnier, when done well),
generally intelligent (probably better if I picked myself up and fully applied myself),
gamer (kinda)
and a bunch of other things I'm not gonna bother to finish with.
Her:
mid height
around 160ish (she's dieting + such as well, aiming for around 150, at which point I'm allowed to call her anorexic and pull her ass out of that hole)
fun
flirty
ghetto booty equiped (it will grab your attention and shake it like a Polaroid picture)
smart
hard working (seriously does around 2, maybe 3 people's work)
sarcastic (I learned from the best)
and other stuff I'm not going into for the sake of not giving anyone an unfair advantage.
WHICH brings us to the point of this blog, to create a commentary on her life, once we get to the end of this.
But for now, I get the fun job of notating some of the guys she's with, has been with (I am not included in this list), and possibly will be with.
There are:
ex's (guys who screwed up, in a way big enough to rival chuck norris' beard... clippings)
prospects (guys who haven't yet screwed up, and have a chance, after screening + blah)
other (guys who don't fit into either of the above areas.)
Since I'm doing this with no one's permission (Save my own), I will not be using anyone's actual names, but I will be creating nick names, analogies, and other such names for them, so don't worry.
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